The Brief
We shake our can of beer.
Then we complain that it stained our clothes.
Oh, the simplicity.
The Loony Letter
Dear Carling,
I had a can of Carling today, and when I opened it, it was all fizzed up, and stained my t-shirt.
Naturally, I’m very angry about this – especially after driving home quite quickly with the can in my car-boot in order to get it home before it got cold.
All the best,
Bill Bennett
The Reply
Dear Mr Bennett
WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to contact us with your comments regarding your recent purchase of Carling Lager.
As you will appreciate, we are proud of the quality of our products and operate strict controls at numerous stages in their manufacture. These are designed to ensure that the final package presented to our customer is of the highest quality.
To enable our Quality Assurance Manager to instigate a full investigation into this incident we would require further details regarding your purchase. Therefore, please telephone the writer on the above number. We will then be able to progress this matter for you.
Once again, we apologise for any inconvenience caused.
Assuring you of our best attention and service at all times.
Yours sincerely
Kelly Craven
Consumer Services Executive
The Review
Bzzt! Wrong answer! The correct reply would have been as follows:
“Dear Mr Thomas,
If you’re going to drive quickly with a can of beer in the boot and it gets all shaken up, of course it’s going to fizz up over you. Dumbshit.
Yours sincerely,
Carling”
I guess it’s against company policy for them to call their customers “dumbshit”.
