The Brief
Ann Summers is the UK’s largest chain of adult shops. Everyone loves a good session with their lover, but everyone also loves to save money. If only there was a way to do the two at the same time…
The Loony Letter
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am baffled by a mystery. Stumped, in fact.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but you sell products to tie my girlfriend to the bed with.
Now, the question I cannot answer – why would I want to attach her to my bedroom furniture with costly items such as an £8 pair of handcuffs, when a roll of parcel tape and some string will probably do the same job, for about £1.50?
If I leave her there, I can go off down the pub, and spend the £6.50 saved on a couple of pints and a bag of peanuts.
Then, my only quandary is working out how to stop her chatting and moaning so much when I do go off for a drink…
In anticipation,
Bill Bennett
The Reply
Dear Mr Bennett,
Thank you for your letter, which in this day and age of re-cycling etc, we all feel you have come up with the perfect money saving solution -and carbon free too!
Inspired by your example, while we work on our own alternative products – e.g. recycled fishing nets cut into leg shapes – black bin liners shone to PVC standards – ordinary coloured rabbits instead of pink ones – we would like you to enjoy the product I am sending you.
Just a few instructions. If your partner straps you to the door while you are practising Tantric Sex, you might find after a short time, that you could be used as a human coat peg, thus, because of the ripple effect, possibly saving the World by the decrease in wood used to make the peg, thereby solving in your own special way, the problems of Global warming.
Hope you enjoy, you lightened up one of our very busy days!!
Yours truly
Gwen Rainbow-Chalmers
Web Site Co-ordinator for annsummers.com
The Review
Indeed, Ann Summers has come through with a great reply. Well thought out, with lots of helpful hints, and a little innuendo to boot. They also sent us a pair of “Sportsheet Door Cuffs”, soft handcuffs of sorts that attach to the top of your doorframe, staying put when you close the door. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to save the world.
I work at Stanley Black and Decker, formerly The Stanley Works tool company, and used to work in customer service where we would receive some quite humorous jokes. The manager of the customer service dept. is Alan Martin and has a great sense of humor. Would you consider pranking him with one of your squirrelly notes?